She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize