my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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