Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
