Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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