I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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