Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
try to milk me bitch
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
