we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i out mim tonsoeep
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
