He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
