Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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