I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
