I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I lost the right to judge tonight
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
