we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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