the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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