I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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