the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
