you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
