You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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