My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize