He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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