I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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