On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All the doctor said was why
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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