i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize