And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
