she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize