True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
