I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
