What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
