dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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