Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
