I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
