i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
