Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
