so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
