we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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