All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
