OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize