So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
