My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize