Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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