u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize