i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
