if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
