Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
its liver damage thursday
Randomize