Having a random hookup so left but love u
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
