grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
