Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
