i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize