I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
