i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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