"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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