Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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