Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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