I just pynch a tree in the face
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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