She's JV to your varsity
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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