he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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