we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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