I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
