Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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