I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
