The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
