PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
