I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
