I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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