Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We need to get me chipped asap
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
