Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
