Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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