OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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