Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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