ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
