Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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