But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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