I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There r osticjed everywhere
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
