who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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