You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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