I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
