A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
