Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
