How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
