Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
