We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
