CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
