Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize